Saturday, March 19, 2011

Rock those lil sheepies!!

Dinner table conversation last night.

Hayden was telling us about his favourite songs:

Boom Boom Pow - Black Eye Peas
Straight lines - Silverchair
Thunderstruck - AC/DC


Baa Baa Black Sheep.

I love how random he is....

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Sunday musings

Typing this from my android, so forgive me my typos (or at least credit me on Damn you auto correct).

I spoke to Hayden's swimming teachers about separating him and bubby during the lesson. There were only a few children in the class so hayden ended up getting a private lesson.

When asked to show his feet whilst kicking, he swam in circles to give her optimum viewing potential. When asked to swim a little deeper, I think that the titanic would have been closer to the surface than what he was.

It's exhausting, trying to work out how words will be interpreted by the lil general. Any request needs to be broken down to single steps.

I try and write about the lighter side to our lives, but its not always easy. I try hard to think that he is a special gift given to us for a reason, but the darker side of me wants to be able to blame someone and scream at them to fix it.

I blame myself for the most part. Not for him being the way he is, rather I'm mad at myself for not being smart enough to understand my own son.

Friday, March 11, 2011

United we stand...

You'd almost be forgiven for thinking that Hayden was an only child at this stage. There is a lot of effort and energy put into his development, but Hayden is the eldest of 3.

Hayden and Bubby are best friends and worst enemies. They constantly fight when together and pine when apart. I've seen magnets with less pulling power than the relationship between those two. I know that I am biased, but Bubby could model. She has stunning looks that have Daddy checking out the logistics of a gun license to keep all the boys away.

Bear is my crazy youngest. She is my partner in snark. With a twinkle in her eye, she can reduce me to tears with her observations on the world. I feel that Hayden and Bear aren't as close as Hayden and Bubby, but the rivalry between the two isn't nearly as prominent. That doesn't mean to say that they don't have rip-snorting fights, but usually its ended with an eyeroll from Bear as she walks away (an act that Hayden and Bubby seem unable to perform).

There are lots of people who feature in this production we call our lives. To protect the innocent, I will not name anyone without permission. That doesn't mean that information won't be passed on, like with Bubby and Bear, I use nicknames or alias'. The only true name is Hayden.

I would like to thank you all for the support so far. The messages that I have received are helping me write more and hopefully together we can help this wonderful young man spread his wings in the world.

Please feel free to ask any questions. I don't hide anything and I think I can handle constructive criticism. Although I'm writing this in a journal style, please feel free to pass it on to anyone you think may either a) be able to help us or b) benefit from talking to someone in the same situation. I've learned that pride may come before a fall, but it also prevents you from finding out information that may be vital to the situation.

Today I was me

I've found a book that Hayden wrote.

"Today I was me"

I'm not sure if that is what the title is meant to be, or what the story will be about, but it captures on paper the essence of H. He is who he is and I am love him the way that he is.

Living with Hayden can be like living on a faultline. One moment things are beautiful, the next moment we find ourselves living in a disaster zone. Meltdowns are often unexplained and brutal. Somedays you can predict when one is coming, yet otherdays you are caught unawares. Doesn't matter whether it is 6am, 10am or 2pm.

I find it hard to work out a way to communicate in a way he will understand. It makes it hard when consequences aren't understood (either positive or negative). I have to think through the sentence to see what he could take literally and, the hardest of all, not let any frustration show through to him.

All I want is for my boy to feel loved and secure.

He is who he is, and I love him for that.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Meet Hayden

Hayden is a beautiful, funny, innocent little boy. He can also be pigheaded, selfish and a typical 7 year old boy (I mean, who doesn't love a good fart joke?)
Hayden also needs help. He's literal to the end (asking him to 'hold his horses' can be quite amusing), unable to process multiple commands, low muscle tone and a unique way of looking at the world.
If Kelso from "That 70's show" mated with Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory", their lovechild would be Hayden. My lil man oscillates between incredibly intelligence to dopey and docile. He really is like a box of chocolates, we just don't know which flavour we prefer.
I am posting this as a mum who has been fighting for 6 years to get him help. The public system has not been much use as he is quite high functioning and if you don't see him during a meltdown, you won't guess there is anything there.
6 years and it has taken me 6 different paediatricians to find one that is willing to take a look at him. Add one more 6 and you wouldn't be blamed for thinking that he was a devil child. He's not. He's a beautiful little boy who may have a slight miswiring in the head.
And I love him anyway. So there.