Friday, March 11, 2011

Today I was me

I've found a book that Hayden wrote.

"Today I was me"

I'm not sure if that is what the title is meant to be, or what the story will be about, but it captures on paper the essence of H. He is who he is and I am love him the way that he is.

Living with Hayden can be like living on a faultline. One moment things are beautiful, the next moment we find ourselves living in a disaster zone. Meltdowns are often unexplained and brutal. Somedays you can predict when one is coming, yet otherdays you are caught unawares. Doesn't matter whether it is 6am, 10am or 2pm.

I find it hard to work out a way to communicate in a way he will understand. It makes it hard when consequences aren't understood (either positive or negative). I have to think through the sentence to see what he could take literally and, the hardest of all, not let any frustration show through to him.

All I want is for my boy to feel loved and secure.

He is who he is, and I love him for that.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Elle this just mirrors my life completely. The consequence thing is sooooo Connor as well. When he was suspended last year and had to stay home for 5 days...I kept saying he has NO idea why he is home but the school wouldn't believe me. He just thought "wow I get to stay home". He couldn't understand it. Very frustrating!!!
    Your line of All I want is for my boy to feel loved and secure...I say that ALL the time!!!!

    Finally somebody who understands how I feel every day and how I have felt for sooooo long!!!! :)

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